"Shy"

Why is it that Being Seen feels so difficult sometimes? Sudden waves of social anxiety shower curtain over my face at the most inconvenient times. Yet I push myself. When I’d rather stay home and hide away, I sign up for evening yoga classes. When I would rather work from home, I push myself to have an “out there” job. Do I regret it every time? Not every time.

Being seen is one thing; being heard is another. Speech/Silence: The dichotomy. “Speak up”/ “Shut up.” Those two phrases tug-of-war back and forth in my head, finally rushing in a mental whirlpool. Around those I don’t know well or agree with, I choose silence, gulping down thoughts with my own spit.

“The more I think the less I say”, so go the lyrics from “The Craving”, by twenty one pilots. This is Truth epitomized.

My amazon music comes up with a well-timed song: Iris, by the Goo Goo Dolls:

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

So much has NOT been Spoken throughout history. Think of the women—the “witches” or those deemed as “hysteric.” Their voices literally not heard, even and especially when they tried to speak their truth. Maybe Silence is more of a result of not feeling seen and heard. It’s a tactful retraction. The only problem is the inevitable “not being understood” from those baffled by silence. Is it pride, or an involuntary safety mechanism?

I was curious about the distinction between “Shyness” and “Introversion”. The article I found related introversion more to personality, and shyness to a passing emotion/state. As a Verywellmind.com article, Understanding the Dimensions of Introversion & Shyness, says:

“Shyness and introversion are often thought of as synonyms, but it is important to note that they are not the same. People who are shy tend to fear that they will be negatively evaluated by others, which puts it on the same spectrum as social anxiety (although people can be shy and not socially anxious). Introverts, on the other hand, have to expend energy when they socialize, so they need time alone to recharge.”

Some things that can make it easier to manage feelings of shyness include:

Appreciate Your Strengths

Shy people are often sensitive, caring, empathetic, and responsive. While you may feel more apprehensive in some social situations, remember that people appreciate these qualities.”

At least they acknowledge the strengths. Living in an Extrovert-dominated culture can be trying at the best of times.

I am quick to judge who will “get” me and who won’t. I get “shy” around people I don’t think will approve anyway. Meanwhile, I am outspoken with other artistic introverts that I feel will understand. It’s a funny phenomenon.

The benefits of Quiet… (the book I never read but had on my shelf for YEARS).

Flipping through an old journal from 2016/2017, I happened upon some lines I copied from the book, The Te of Piglet, by Benjamin Hoff who had previously published The Tao of Pooh. This is for those who understand or want to:

“Animal so shy and small,

Dreaming you were Bold and Tall—

You hesitate, all sensitive,

Waiting for a chance to Live.

Time is swift, it races by;

Opportunities are born and die…

Still you wait and will not try—

A bird with wings who dares not

Rise and fly.

But that You you want to See

Is not you, and will never be.

No one else will ever do

The special things that wait

Inside of you.

You can be a guiding star,

If you make the most of Who You Are.

And the Sensitivity

That you’re now ashamed to see

Can be developed even more,

So you can find the hidden doors

To places no one’s been before.

And the pride you’ll feel inside

Is not the kind that makes you fall—

It’s the kind that recognizes

The bigness found in being Small.”